It's OK to be sad. I miss my dad

Photo of me and my gentle dad. 

It’s ok to be sad.

Going from the high of my wedding to a funeral for my father in a months time has not been easy. I’ve always been a positive person that focuses on the good. I’ve always been called “sweet” and encouraging. People tend to come to me to vent and get advice from. That’s why I am a coach. I love helping people shine and giving them hope. But losing my dad and then getting sick this past month has veiled me with a new kind of sadness and grief. Usually, I would push the sadness away and “focus on the good.” Although this is usually a wonderful idea, when dealing with an enormous grief, hiding from the sadness is not a good thing. The examples of doing random acts of kindness, positive affirmations and a gratitude journal are wonderful ideas. However, I believe it is important to not just delete and hide from negative emotions. I believe there is some benefit in feeling the feelings.

According to Biswar-Diener, 2011, there is a place in your emotional repertoire for negative emotions as well. Anger will help you stick up for loved ones, advocate for yourself and fight against injustices. Fear will help you avoid unpleasant outcomes (Biswar-Diener, 2011). I believe understanding the correlation between positive and negative emotions is essential. Always having only a positive attitude is not normal. Life is hard. It has ebbs and flows. God gave us hundreds of emotions and it’s ok to feel all of them, even sadness for awhile.

“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.”
― Carl Jung

So, I’ve been letting myself grieve and be sad. I’ve let myself cry and not focus on everyone else for awhile. And you know what, I think this is a positive step towards healing and self care. We can’t hide our feelings and ignore the sadness. I don’t think masking it with drugs or “positive affirmations” is the answer. No. When you are sad, you should affirm it and sit with it. So I’ve been sitting with this sadness.  In time, I am confident that I will rise up refreshed with lessons and new courage. Take the time you need to be sad.  Feel your feelings…positive and negative. It’s going to be ok. It’s ok to be sad.